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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23884222">codependency ≠ cisgender</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kamunamis/pseuds/kamunamis'>kamunamis</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Free!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Issues, Humor, M/M, Minor Hazuki Nagisa/Ryuugazaki Rei, Not Canon Compliant, Trans Male Character</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 15:17:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,933</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23884222</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kamunamis/pseuds/kamunamis</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p></p><blockquote>
  <p> Haru grimaces. “I like Makoto, it doesn’t matter whether or not I like girls. And don’t call me a woman, that sounds weird.”</p>
  <p>Rei looks at him, confused, but he thinks that he’s possibly one step closer to helping Haru realize what the problem is, which isn’t actually that much of a problem. “Okay, how about this, if Makoto wasn’t part of your life, then - ”</p>
  <p>“Rei-chan, I think you broke Haru-chan,” Nagisa interrupts, pointing to Haru, who is now lying face down on the floor.<br/></p>
</blockquote>a fic about humor and gender crises
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Nanase Haruka/Tachibana Makoto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>48</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>codependency ≠ cisgender</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this is mostly crack. i'm not sorry. it's also been three months since i wrote this.<br/>actually this was very good for me to write bc i've written too many vent fics about my gender and i just needed to write a funny one<br/>thanks to <a href="https://itsmyusualweeb.tumblr.com">tara</a> for beta reading this, like always</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>For the majority of her life, Haru has felt </span>
  <em>
    <span>awkward</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When she was little, she wanted short hair </span>
  <em>
    <span>just like Makoto’s</span>
  </em>
  <span>, because her long locks weighed her down when she was swimming. Around that same age, she would always want to play with all of the boys in her class because </span>
  <em>
    <span>Makoto</span>
  </em>
  <span> was there. She would also ditch the girl’s uniform in favor of slacks to look like Makoto. That, and because it was easier to play around in pants than in a skirt. Haru’s reasoning for anything was that </span>
  <em>
    <span>if Makoto could do it, why couldn’t she?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>People found it strange at first, because most girls wanted to have long hair and to wear skirts. No one said anything though, they thought it was just a phase that Haru was going through. Makoto was her first friend, after all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At some point, Haru started referring to herself using masculine pronouns just to copy Makoto, and by then, everyone could tell that she had a crush on him. She thought maybe that was the most logical reasoning for her weird behavior. But it didn’t explain that there was this weird feeling of </span>
  <em>
    <span>happiness </span>
  </em>
  <span>in her heart when people she didn’t know called her by masculine pronouns or called her a boy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makoto and Haru started dating sometime in the middle of their second year of middle school, and Haru figured that maybe her weird period where she wanted to look exactly like him should be over with. When she got her period, her mom suggested that she should start trying to act more </span>
  <em>
    <span>feminine</span>
  </em>
  <span>, since she’s old enough to understand that she’s not Makoto. Haru reluctantly agreed to try it out, because there’s no way she’d know for sure until she did. She turned out to be wrong, however, when she tried on her friend Gou’s uniform. Haru was </span>
  <em>
    <span>uncomfortable </span>
  </em>
  <span>in the skirt, and she thought that she was just used to wearing the slacks. It was even more uncomfortable when she saw the growing lumps on her chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Haru starts calling herself feminine pronouns again, but it feels </span>
  <em>
    <span>awful, </span>
  </em>
  <span>so she ends up switching back. People got even more confused anyway, and it was natural for her to act more masculine. She figures that her problem is something deeper than just </span>
  <em>
    <span>liking Makoto a lot</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but she doesn’t have the patience to deal with it. Why can’t she just look like Makoto without anyone questioning it? If anyone asks anything about </span>
  <em>
    <span>why </span>
  </em>
  <span>she looks like a boy</span>
  <em>
    <span>, </span>
  </em>
  <span>she doesn’t need to answer them with anything other than </span>
  <em>
    <span>I can do what I want, which means I can look like Makoto if I want to</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He meets Nagisa’s boyfriend Rei a few years later, when all of them are in high school together. Haru considers asking Rei for help on Haru’s problem, since Rei is some sort of super genius, but ultimately decides that his problem is too complicated to solve and that he would rather think about mackerel or Makoto.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He and Makoto are cuddling together one night when Haru tells him about a particularly </span>
  <em>
    <span>mean</span>
  </em>
  <span> kid who didn’t want Haru standing next to him because he didn’t want to be a freak like </span>
  <em>
    <span>Haru</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Makoto tells him that he wasn’t a freak, that he will always be his Haru-chan, and Haru just groans and says </span>
  <em>
    <span>don’t call me -chan </span>
  </em>
  <span>before turning over and falling asleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Haru ends up telling Makoto exactly </span>
  <em>
    <span>why </span>
  </em>
  <span>he feels awkward, horrible, and out of place, and Makoto’s suggestion is to tell Rei, so eventually, he does end up telling Rei about his problems. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rei guesses that Haru is experiencing some sort of mental problem, so he checks out every single mental health and mental related book from both the school library and the public library. There are enough books that Nagisa and Rei have to wheel a wagon through an extremely crowded bus and to Haru’s house. Nagisa tips the wagon over so that all of the books fall to the ground, and at first Rei scolds him for the mess, but Nagisa reasons that putting the books back in the wagon when they’re done makes more sense. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Haru just sighs. It hasn’t even been ten minutes and he doesn’t want to solve the problem anymore. He’s gone sixteen years without solving his problem, he can go another sixteen years, perhaps even longer. Regardless, he’d feel awful for kicking them out, so he doesn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, Haruka-senpai, let’s get to the bottom of this,” Rei says, pushing up his glasses and immediately opening the first book he sees. He starts by asking Haru every single mental issue listed in the book, and then he repeats the process for every book they have.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Haru ends up counting 27 books by the end of it, and they still haven’t figured out his problem. Most of those books aren’t even suggestions for what his problem could be, just solutions to mental blocks. Nagisa left in the middle of the fourth book saying that he was going to get something, and he hasn’t come back yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nagisa ends up coming back ten minutes later, holding a fat book that is too heavy for his tiny body to carry. Apparently, Nagisa was running to and from Haru’s house as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah! Thank you, Nagisa-kun,” Rei says. “This book will surely give us the answer, since it has every mental health problem known to man. How were you able to get this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My sister is a psychiatrist,” Nagisa responds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Haru just sighs once again. They’re going to be here until the next millennium if they try to read that entire book. “Rei, Nagisa, thank you for your help, but I don’t need it anymore. I want to cook mackerel, I’m getting hungry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” Rei yells. “We’re not leaving until we figure this mystery out, Haruka-senpai! You asked for our help, so we will help you. Nagisa-kun, why don’t you prepare some mackerel so that we don’t waste any more time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eh? Rei-chan,” Nagisa whines, “but I don’t want to miss anything!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nagisa-kun.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nagisa sighs and gets up to make the mackerel, despite his complaints.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s look at the table of contents,” Rei suggests. “Is it a neurodevelopmental disorder?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No?” Haru doesn’t know what that means, so he assumes it isn’t one. At this point, he doesn’t care anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not a schizophrenic or bipolar-related disorder either. How about depression? Anxiety?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Haru thinks about it. He’s definitely felt anxious and depressed over this problem. “Maybe?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rei scans the table of contents for a minute. “What about gender dysphoria?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Haru looks up when he hears Rei. “What’s that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“According to this…” Rei flips the book to the page and starts reading. “It’s clinical distress about one’s sex and/or gender.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Haru blinks at him. “I’m still confused.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you dislike your gender, Haruka-senpai?” Rei asks him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Haru shrugs. “No, I don’t dislike girls. Gou is a wonderful person.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rei sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Haru-chan! Rei-chan! Here’s the food!” Nagisa yells as he enters the room holding plates of mackerel and rice. Haru winces at the noise while Rei gently reminds him to be quieter before kissing him quickly on the cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Itadakimasu!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Itadakimasu.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They take a short break to eat dinner, and Haru watches Rei and Nagisa act </span>
  <em>
    <span>cute </span>
  </em>
  <span>together. He’s now considering walking to Makoto’s house, since he hasn’t seen him all day. He figures that there’s no harm in seeing him right now, so he gets up and walks toward the front door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Haruka-senpai!” Rei says, putting a hand on his shoulder. “We’re not done yet!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Haru doesn’t say anything and sits back down in his original spot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Haruka-senpai doesn’t seem to understand the book, so let’s try this another way,” Rei says. “Nagisa-kun, can you hand me your computer?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nagisa takes his computer out, and Rei types in a few things.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here, maybe a quiz might be able to help you,” Rei says. “Have you felt satisfied being the gender that you were assigned at birth? In other words, have you ever felt comfortable being a girl?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Haru shakes his head. “But it was only because Makoto wasn’t a girl.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rei puts a hand to his forehead. “Next question. Have you felt uncertain about your gender?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but only because I’ve been so used to copying Makoto that being a girl didn’t sit right anymore,” Haru says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were only two questions into the quiz, and Rei already feels like he is going to have an aneurysm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Perhaps you are...bisexual?” Rei assumes. “I’ve heard that gender non-conforming women seem to experiment with their sexuality.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Haru grimaces. “I like Makoto, it doesn’t matter whether or not I like girls. And don’t call me a woman, that sounds weird.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rei looks at him, confused, but he thinks that he’s possibly one step closer to helping Haru realize what the problem is, which isn’t actually that much of a problem. “Okay, how about this, if Makoto wasn’t part of your life, then - ”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rei-chan, I think you broke Haru-chan,” Nagisa interrupts, pointing to Haru, who is now lying face down on the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Haruka-senpai, have you considered the possibility that you might be a man?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Haru nods. “Yes, but I told you, a lot of it has to do with the fact that I like Makoto, and that I’ve gotten used to using masculine pronouns and acting like a boy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Surely you would have realized a long time ago if you didn’t like being a boy?” Rei asks him. “If you are uncomfortable being a girl, then you are not a girl.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Haru thinks about it for a minute. Perhaps Rei is right. If it was truly a phase of liking Makoto, the discomfort of being a girl would’ve easily faded away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What kind of clothes best fit you?” Rei asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Makoto’s clothes,” Haru says immediately.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you always compete with the boys’ team?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Haru sighs. “Makoto’s on the boys’ team.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rei slaps himself in the face and Nagisa grabs hold of his other hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Haruka-senpai!” Rei starts shouting. “The reason why you feel discomfort about being a girl is because you’re a boy! Yes, you’re very close to Makoto, and you’ve never conformed to being a girl, but you would not be distressed about it to this degree or refer to yourself as a boy if you were a girl in the first place!”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Haru thinks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Haruka-senpai, I think you know what the issue is now, but there is no shame in being a boy,” Rei says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Haru-chan!” Nagisa says excitedly, and hugs Haru tightly. “You’ll always be Haru-chan no matter what! I’m sure Mako-chan feels the same way! Rei-chan, join us!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Rei enters the hug, and Haru almost starts crying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you both,” Haru says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Later that evening, when Rei and Nagisa have already gone home, Haru knocks on Makoto’s door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Haru-chan?” Makoto says when he opens the door. “What’s up? Isn’t it late?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Haru says, shaking his head. “It’s not late, this is important. You’re always important.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makoto blushes at that. “Ah, thank you, Haru-chan. What did you want to tell me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m…” Haru starts. “I’m a boy!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Makoto laughs softly. “Of course you are. You’ve always been a boy to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now it’s Haru’s turn to blush. He buries his head in Makoto’s chest and wraps him into a hug. “Thanks, Makoto.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Always,” Makoto says, hugging Haru back. “Come inside, Ran and Ren would love to see you,” he says once they pull apart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Haru smiles and grabs Makoto by the hand. “Alright.”</span>
</p>
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